A letter to a friend

Dear Marriage,
[Si tu n’comprends pas pourquoi j’écris en Anglais lis ceci]

Well this is a letter I never tought I’ll be writing to you because of our long time inimity. Surely for like to your knowledge you’ve never wrong me the question has been tourmented you, what has happened. I never told you what you did me wrong but each time some one was saying your name I’ll turn the way round not to listen. Like our Day 8 writing 101’s assignment is to reinvent the letter format by writing even to a thing I decided to give you an explanation through this letter.

The roof of the problem

It’s true I’ve seen (and I know) all the good you can do to people but this thing of me disliking you all started years ago in my family, when I was a kid Nothing like my father beating my mom or my dad not affording for us; nothing of that. It had to do with me and my ideology of a happy family. By then I was thinking every family should love and care like we see on TV and like it wasn’t the same at home I began with the frustration and hatred torwards you. I was thinking what’s the need of being married with kids if it isn’t to be a family full of love.There was love and it was shown, just in a different way than on TV so I wasn’t seeing it!

When younger but not yet an adult the mask on my father whom I used to consider as the most perfect man started to fall down as I was discovering his weaknesses and defaults the image of manhood I had started to change. I was saying to myself we can not count on them (men).

It got worse when my mom started with confidences about her marriage, giving me advices on how to make better choices… And finally when I got failed by a man (twice) I decided not to give a chance -in my hole life- to any man consequently to you: I was seeing men as great deceivers.

But something Happened

As humans being change so do situations. I’ve grown up and realised every family is unique in its way of showing love; when some will buy gifts other will play together, some will say it or not other will demonstrate it: I just had to accept mine like it is.

About my father I’ve come to realise we all have defaults, that I shouldn’t ask of him what he can’t afford: there too I just had to take him the way he is.

As for my mom, if her choices had been that bad she won’t have been up to 25 years of marriage. Maybe she’s regretting some aspects or decisions but all the same her advices weren’t out of deep misery but a sign of her care for me, wanting the best for me she doesn’t want me to make any mistake.

It’s only my view of men that’s still a problem. I’ve seen great, charming and caring ones but still the fear is there. I guess with time… yep I’m too emotional and sensitive.

I have Hope

As I’m working on it I wanted to tell you I no more hate you. From the beginning you weren’t the problem and still you are not. I’m so sorry for putting the blame on you. If my behaviour torwards you has been paining you know that I’m sorry. Though I still don’t consider the idea of getting along with you, I guess the thought of « It could be possible one day » is already a huge step. Don’t you think so? Feel free to write me back, I’ll be glad responding.

Your new friend

Sorry for the mistakes I’m still improving my English


A propos Mathy

I’m Mathy and I’m here because I heard that your blog is your place and I needed one of my own where I could express myself on « human feelings », « love », « relationships », « beauty », « life’s adventure »... Stay tunned!
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